Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Top 10 questions on the application to determine if you’re qualified for Head Coach of the Detroit Lions

Don’s note: What appears to be an ongoing theme of sports actually ends with this entry. I formulated this list several weeks ago after one amusing round of Sunday gridiron action. This past weekend’s follies simply presented a renewed opportunity to let out a figurative sardonic yawn while dishing-out more cheap shots in one setting than a Michigan Wolverine…

10. Experience: Have you ever actually seen a football?

9. Experience: Have you ever picked your nose while standing along the sideline during an NFL game?

8. Technical knowledge test: Is the number of quarters in a football game more than 3 or less than 5?

7. You’re not too embarrassed to admit to loved-ones you chose to come to Detroit?

6. Do you have a concealed weapons permit?

5. Can you tolerate petulant suburbanite yuppies?

4. Are you willing to pick a fight with the opposing coach after a bad loss in which you’ve clearly been out-coached?

3. Are you OK with the owners undermining you by letting the players whine to them every time you point out when they’ve made game-changing costly blunders?

2. Are you OK with knowing a 7-9 season likely will be the highpoint of your career?

1. Have you bought a Ford F-150 lately?

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